Getting "behind the mask" of personality diagnosis

There are many popular social media memes to give guidance and advice about identifying people in our life who may have personality disorders. Videos, podcasts or articles which describe the painful dynamics of living with someone who has Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) or Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) can undoubtedly flag interpersonal issues which may be unsafe, unfulfilling or abusive. However, the language of disorder is sometimes in danger of collating personality traits and turning diagnosis into something determinative, while reducing the mystery of the self into one thing.

The reality is that we all possess narcissistic elements, they are in play when we seek love, external validation and support- some of us received more of this early in life, others of us might try an "extract" this from others to make up for the early lack. Similarly, the "borderline" dynamic emerges out of difficulties with separating successfully from our care-givers, one moment we want to be "cuddled close", the next we feel suffocated and want to push our loved ones away- precipitating a cacophony of confusing and powerful emotions. It can feel frightening or shaming to feel that we too might carry these psychological processes within us, that's why it's sometimes more palatable to project the disorder onto others.

If you make an appointment to work with me , I'll be interested to hear about your thoughts on these diagnoses, you might have even received one or attempted self diagnosis with "Dr. Google". I'll work with you to understand what these terms mean for you but I'll also invite you to delve beyond diagnosis, to explore and accept your whole self. Phillip Bromberg, the famous relational psychoanalyst described the dilemma of narcissism as being "caught between the mirror and the mask". Part of being in therapy means that you may need me to be your mirror; to delight in you. You may also need to show me your masks too and gradually feel how limited they are. My hope is that in a world dominated by labels, we can reach a point in our journey together where you can experience yourself as "more than...", a precious mystery waiting to be discovered.