Be-longing and belongings

We all need a certain level of material safety and comfort to feel safe and to thrive. The requirement for enough food, shelter, warmth is the basic foundation in Abraham Maslow's famous hierarchy of needs. Sadly, with escalating food and energy inflation, this foundation is crumbling for many people in our society.

Maslow placed "love and belonging" right in the middle of his pyramidic diagram of needs, quite appropriately these experiences are at the "heart" of relationship. In an ideal world everyone would be held in love, at birth, death and throughout life's journey.

When we are not seen, validated or attuned to, there is a huge pressure (reinforced through advertising) to collect more and more stuff . Getting a new toy (whether we are 5 or 50) helps create a dopamine hit in our brain , but it's doesn't compare to the look of love and delight seen in the face and eyes of another or the whole body sensation of what Dan Siegel calls "feeling felt".

Sometimes the "longing" for be-longing can feel so forlorn that we just give in and surrender to belongings. Taking the risk of acknowledging our emotional need to give and receive love can be life-changing; therapy can help immensely as you contemplate what can feel like a huge step into vulnerability and your own worthiness.

Maslow, A, (1943) Hierarchy of Needs: A Theory of Human Motivation, Psychological Review, 50, 370-396

Siegel, D (2012) The Developing Mind: How Relationships and the Brain Interact to Shape Who We Are, 2nd edition, Guildford Press, New York